Period

On Sunday, it will have been 23 years since I gave birth to our daughter.  We were not married at the time and the situation and timing were less than ideal.  I was a single mom for a while and we all struggled. 
That said, I thnk being a mom then was easier than being a mom today.  When she was little, I was the center of her universe and I was right in my decisions, actions and advice.  Now?  Not so much. 
Then we did not have a huge amount of choice in what we could or could not do.  Now, the choices and actions are no longer mine.
Would I go back?   Nope, nope, nope.  Not for a minute.
Do I despair now?  Nope, nope, nope.  It is differerent.  The hard thing is having to be quiet.  To not offer unsolicited advice. To watch a mistake being made and know the call will come in the middle of the night "Mom?  What do I do?"  And then have to help pick up pieces. Throw into the mix a grandson that is the apple of my eye.
Was I this way at 23?  Probably.  Something that ticks me off even more.
Hell, there are probably days a  almost 50 I am that way.  My folks are probably watching a shaking their heads.
What it comes down to is this.  Twentythree years ago, I looked at my newborn daughter and promised I would do everything needed for her and more.
No regrets.
I love her.  Period.

Foward Ho

In less than a week we venture towards Colorado to meet grandchildren.  A trip George and I are really looking forward to and, so we have been told, are the kids. 
A bit of background.  Eighteen years ago a 13 year old girl came to live with us.  The baggage she brought was pretty immense for an adult let alone a scared and lonely girl.  She stayed with us for 5 /12 years.  We offered to adopt but her choice was no.  That was okay.  George and I stated she was our daughter.  My father had a new granddaughter and children we had by natural means had a sister.  Even though she slipped from our everyday life for a while, Mary was never out of our hearts.  A couple years ago she came back.  Alot had happened in the time she was gone.  4 children, many experiences both good and bad.  But she is back in our lives. 
And now we get to meet her children.  Our grandchildren.
The emotions going through me are overwhelming.  Sometimes to the point I want to just weep.
Imagine.
We love them and have yet to see them.

Just a little slower now.

MyI have been away from blogging for a long time. Just did not feel keenly about the process. Lost a sense of why.
Well, now I am back and focusing for another time.
It is now summer with a month off for recharging.  Painting and gardening.  Traveling a little and mostly making sure I spend time with my husband.  Sounds kind of cheesy doesn't it? 
Let me explain.  My husband is 28 years older than I am.  Our "lifetime" together by the nature of our ages could be much shorter than some.  Means we need to make our time double.
Age has reared it head.  George says better than the alternative. 
Hmmmm.  But it does make one pause, reflect. 
Knees and backs hurt more.  Illness tends to come on more it seems.  Lines are a little deeper.
Yet, when I look across the room and see my husband  enter, my heart still skips a beat.  A smile still comes across.  I don't necessarily see the age.  The man I fell in love with 26 years ago is still there. 
Thanks be to God.

Passing

I went to the funeral of an uncle yesterday. He had been ill for a time and all viewed it as a blessing when he passed. I saw family I had not seen for some time and catching up was pleasant.
My next older sister and her husband also attended. George and I sat with them and this was probably not our wisest choice. You see, Katherine and I are friends, not just sisters. When we get together it is as though we have never been apart and the banter starts. So does the giggling. Funeral giggles, never appropriate. Very obvious.
Throw into the mix that George was asked to say something about my father's family.
I don't think we will be allowed back.