Detours

Tomorrow would have been my father's birthday if he were still alive. I have tried to not think about that fact. Taking the advice of those I love and respect to just get on with living. Those individuals were right, but....
I couldn't. Memories would pop into my mind. The urge to call Dad with news of the day when I would start making dinner for the family. Like I did before. Starting to look at the Thanksgiving dinner and realizing for the first time ever I don't need to fix bread dressing. He was the one to ask for it. Everyone else except our son obligingly ate it on the day, but that was the longest living leftover.
Anyway, I would force my mind to take detours around the feelings, the memories. Think about something else. Didn't work. I was growing short with the world around me. I would tear up at the least little thing. And while I am a weeper, it was getting rather foolish.
So with that in mind, I started to look at what was going on. I also opened up to what I needed to do. Not what someone else would do, but what I needed.
I avoided the detours. I am using things that belonged to my folks and enjoying the thought they too would be pleased. I can imagine smiles and that in turn has slowed the tears and heavy feelings. I can't advise anyone on how to deal with death of those people important in their lives. It is different for all. Just avoid the detours.